Madrid, Spain

Hmmm, let's start with our walking tour of the Plaza Mayor area. Yep, we walked around , up, down, and around Plaza Major today. Some of the walking was from a tour and some was not. The tour started with the history of the plaza then progressed around the area. Each place we stopped we could just about predict what was going to be said. I made a chart so you can play too. Okay, first pick a building around Madrid then decide who lived there and what happened to them. Okay, let's play.

1) Pick a building from this map
2) Who built the building?

1. King What's His Name
2. King What's His Name III
3. Earl Poopy Pants
4. Moors (now called The Muslim Brotherhood)

 3) Why did they build it?

1. Tribute to God.
2. Tribute to themself.
3. Tribute to themself.
4. Tribute to themself 

4) What happened to the building?

1. The Moors burned it to the ground then  built a mosque on it then the Christians burned it down and built a church on it.
2. Captain Krunch burned it down for the King of Boogey Woogeyland.
3. Duke of Earl burned it down and built a statue of himself on it.
4. Dukes of Hazard burned it down to put up a statue of Queen Latifah on it.

5) What happened to the person that built it?

1. He/she was beheaded.
2. He/she was exiled to Bora Bora (meaning booted out) then executed later.
3. He/she died of athlete's foot and was buried in the front room under the statue of themself.
4. He/she died from domestic violence and didn't get a statue for 400 years.

Now wasn't that fun. Now you don't need to tour Madrid.

King What's His Name III Gets His Head Squished

Barcelona, Spain

Well, today was more laid back than  most. We went to the Picasso Museum and I can positively say that Picasso was mentally disturbed. His "blue period" was troubling.  But because he painted pictures he was a genius and not disturbed or so I've heard. After the Alice in Wonderland Picasso Museum, we went to Montjuic which is an fortress overlooking Barcelona. I got some neat photos that I will post later.

Tonight we went to a flamenco show. It was spectacular. The band and dancers did a nice job. As most of my friends know I love flamenco.

I wish I could elaborate more but I need to go to bed. We leave for Madrid very early in the morning. I'll elaborate tomorrow.

Barcelona, Spain Gaudi Designs

Parc Guell Gaudi Design (Entire park with this style architecture)

Unfinished Sagrada Familia Church in Barcelona (construction started 1882)

 

 

Casa Batllo Gaudi Design in Barcelona (note the columns that look like bones on first floor)

                 

Casa Batllo Ceiling in Barcelona

 

 

 

 

Barcelona, Spain

Well where do I start? We toured Gaudi's masterpieces today. Gaudi was a very famous Spanish architect than started modernism in architecture. But he started it the end of 19th and beginning  of 20th century. Dude, we were just recovering from the civil war then. Daudi's works are incredible and insane at the same time. We really enjoyed the tour.

We took a boat tour of the harbor and saw a few cruise ships that had dumped out several thousand people into the city. It was crowded everywhere due to the ships. Whatever. We went to the open market which is a farmer's market of sorts. We had lunch at a place that was a bar around an outside kitchen. It was pricey and crowded. Whatever.

I'll try and post more pictures. Today is Tuesday and Thursday we fly to Madrid then to home on Sunday.

Barcelona, Spain

It's pronounced barth al own a and it is beautiful and that is where we are now. I can actually speak some of the language and the city is incredibly beautiful.  We flew from Lisboa which is literally covered in spray paint graffiti to Midrid  then to Barcelona.  I'll talk more about Barcelona tomorrow, but for now let's say that Barcelona is heads and shoulders (whatever that means) above Lisboa with this Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy.

Dude, airports in Spain are screwy. When we flew into Santiago de Compostela a couple weeks ago, the airline had two luggage claim areas for the same flight. Of course they only published one of the areas and after we awaited forever then decided to ask the conveyor belt dude where the Big Ole Dumb Gringo and the The  Bleach Blond Gringo's  bags were they told us they were over the river and through the woods to a place behind a door that said some craziness on it and with folks with guns inside. It turns out that was the international baggage area. You would think they would tell the Gringos on the Big Ole TVs huh? Noooooooooo. Well anyway today in Barcelona we tried to find our bags and found a baggage claim TV that said Belt 00. Well we walked into the room and wham goes the doors behind us locking us out of the stupid main baggage claim area. The stupid TV said Belt 00 but nooooooooo that was for somebody else. So we figured out the stupid TV was wrong and had to walk most of the way through the airport and walk backwards through security checkpoints that I thought was surely going to land us in Spanish prison. It turns out the stupid TV was wrong. But I try to look on the bright side of most situations. So if you want to walk through Barcelona's stupid airport through stupid security checkpoints backwards and not land in Spain's stupid prison then just ask me. Good ahead ask me. I'm not sore at all. Go ahead and ask me. Oh so you don't want to know. Good.

So after we got our stupid bags we got into a cab to go to the hotel. The driver gets in and starts the stupid meter at 8.40 euros which is like $11.40. What is the Sam Hill was the idjit doing? It seems the airport charges 4.20 euros per person for the convenience of catching a cab. Then the idjit charges us 2 euros to put our bags in.  The stupid short cab ride was 32 euros which is like $45. I wanted to drop kick me some idjits today. But I didn't because I would have pushed my luck since I didn't go to the stupid Spanish prison to get our stupid bags. If I had drop kicked that stupid cabbie through his stupid goal posts of life then I might have pushed my stupid luck to the point where somebody would have written a future book about Big Ole Dumb Southern Gringos in Stupid Spanish prison, and that ain't gonna happen Yall.  Idjits

We are in the Novotel Hotel on the 16th floor. Holy guacamole. The stupid birds don't fly this high. If  I squint I can see Albuquerque, New Mexico. They speak Spanish in Albuquerque you know, that's why I can see it from Spain. I really hate to point out the obvious but someone has to do it.

We took the subway to someplace Deb suggested and had dinner. The  dinner  was at a tapas restaurant in the touristy part of town. Anyway, tapas means roughly translated in Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy Spanish as little plates. Yeah it was little plates with little food but with a huge, huge price. I finally got tired and threw my stupid wallet at them and told them to get me something to eat other than a green bean (one) sauteed in fusioned extra virgin olive oil and garlic in a earthen pot that cost $10.  I kid you not. These were little plates with very little food that cost an arm and a leg. Dang, a Southern Boy can't get a break in this town.

So, it is bedtime in Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy Land.  Yall have a good day. Tomorrow we start touring Barcelona and I'm sure I'll have a few stories to share

ABye for now.

Lisboa, Portugal

Yes, I said Lisboa again. Yes we are still in Lisboa. Yes Lisboa is the correct way to spell Lisbon. Yes, we are soon to leave Lisbon--well sorta kinda. Yes I have eaten cod fish so many times I am growing gills. Yes our apartment is the height of The Tower of Babel--they speak Portuguese at the bottom and Swiss yodeling at the top where our "tree house" apartment is located. Yes you ask too many questions.

We are planning to leave Lisboa on Monday and fly to Barcelona (bar c loan a) where the Spaniards pronounce the name differently as in barth e loan a or bartz e loan a  or some hairlip way in that general neighborhood. Don't get me wrong I love Spaniards but they pronounce their Spanish a little differently. But what do Spaniards know about talking Spanish anyway? Geez here you go with the questions again.

Deb and I took a boat "cruise" around the harbor today. It was cold and windy. I thought it was going to rain on us but Deb liked it. Deb liked all 30 Euros of it ($41). The "cruise" took 1 hour and was okay. Oh well.

So I was running low in a medication so I walked into a drug store here and told them the name of the drug and the man walked in back and brought me out a box of the drug. No questions asked. It seems the druggists decide which drug you need when the doctor tells them what ails you. When I told him the name of the drug it was a drug that an old fart like me would normally take, so he didn't ask me squat. Dang I want one of these. Now drugs involving things that make your head all funky is a different manner or so I am told. I don't take stuff like that anyway unless I have a broken skull (had it), AC shoulder separation (had it), broken bones (had it), cut off fingers (had it, had it--had it twice) and a few other little problems.  Okay I have been known to take fuzzy headed drugs once, twice or 400 times in the past. Why in the living Garner am I  off on this tangent. It must be Alzheimers. I wonder if that druggist dude can help me out with that too.

I guess I should post some photos. I promise I will when I can.

Hogs and kittens,
Al

Lisboa, Portugal

Hmmm. Me thinks me have had enough cod fish. Dude, Portuguese menus have two columns. One side of the menu has cod fish dishes on it, and the other has pork dishes. I have now discovered some of the Portuguese desserts have pork in them. This Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy did eat pork once on the last unsuccessful trip to Spain because I actually could not get any food without pork in it. It seems God will still grant me 72 virgins even though I ate a piece of ham because I was forced to do so by the infidel goys.  For you humor impaired people, the last sentence is heavily encrypted with a joke so feel free to laugh. Anyway, Portuguese eat a lot of cod fish. Every restaurant serves cod fish in every possible manner of cooking. Now this Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy loves fish but I am full up on cod fish and especially cod fish with the stupid bones intact. Somebody needs to show these people how to debone fish. As expensive as cooked fish is here they could debone the stupid fish or at least give me a hug and kiss on my fish bone gouged lips. And what idjit came up with the idea to put pork into desserts? Nasty and double nasty. If I had gotten a piece of chitlin chocolate care or whatever that mess is called, I would not have been too happy and might have crammed a bone-in cod fish up someone's Portuguese butt seconds before I dropped kicked them Jesus through their goal posts of life. Pork in desserts? Nasty. Oh you nasty boys.

Man every old building has some significance to the Moors (African Muslims) kicking their butts then the Portuguese would take back their whatever and kick out the Moors, then the Moors would clean their clocks again and then the Portuguese  would clean the Moors clock. Repeat as necessary.

Well it is late and Deb is ready to do a Moors whoop butt on the Big Ole Dumb Southern Boy if I don't shut off the light. Have a great day and don't let the pork be with you.